Holy sea cow.

Actually, I lost 3 pounds from somewhere last week. SO I WAS EVEN HUGE-ER!

I’ve reached 39 weeks. That leaves this kid 6 or less days to push himself out. I never thought I’d make it to this point. Which is silly! Because no one is pregnant forever. Although I’m sure if someone could be, it would be me. That’s the kind of luck I have. I’m officially on maternity leave now too, so all we have to do is wait. Andddddd wait.

Everyone has advice or hints on how to get labor started. Fresh pineapple, sex, spicy food, walking, a glass of wine, diddling your nipples, a pedicure, massaging certain points on your body. I spent $45 on ingredients to make Labor cookies and spent the next 3 days eating SPICY ginger cookies. I HATE anything spicy! Cookies that are made with cayenne pepper? Sure why not! If it will get me into labor, lets do it!

HEY, GUESS WHO’S STILL PREGNANT?!

The truth of the matter is…. none of these things actually work. A few of them have the potential to maybe start some contractions because of one thing or another. I know everyone swears they know someone who ate a whole pineapple and went into labor the next day. Or their sister in law ate mexican food every night and had her baby 2 days later! Coincidence, my friends. Coincidence. My OB told me that she wouldn’t let me be pregnant beyond March 22nd. To which I replied, “The 22nd? If I’m pregnant until then, I’m going to jump off this building!” She laughed. I did not.

BUT, no more whining. I loved being pregnant until a few weeks ago. Its an amazing experience. I can’t believe that I actually GREW a human. I just want him here. Now. Yesterday.

And back to my Oscar special, hosted by Oprah. ZZZzzzzzzzzz.

Obviously, only the most important ones. Lol. I’m serious, don’t ever leave me voicemail.

But then there are those groups that make me all WTF? Who Becomes a fan?? Better yet, who creates these groups?

Depressing. I would never Become a Fan

Become a Fan if you’ve ever been so bored that you created random and ridic groups on Facebook!

Raise your hand if you’ve ever breathed air

Green isn’t your color, honey. And to be honest, the girl’s profile I saw this on, ain’t exactly Heidi Klum. Which makes it more funny.

Yeah well, your dumb. If you’re going to make a group calling someone out, you could at least use the correct form of the word!

Who LIKES mosquitos?!

This is along the same lines. Who doesn’t want/need more money. I’m going to create the group, “Nah, I’ve got enough money.”

If you are one of the people I’ve described above, no worries. I’ve done some research and there is definitely a support group out there for you.

I know this post is so ugly looking and I probably could have configured things better, but that takes energy and motivation. Maybe once I get one or both, I’ll change it. :X

I’m MISERABLY pregnant. I don’t know how I could possibly be pregnant another day. Tomorrow? I’m not thinking about it. SO INSTEAD! LETS TALK ABOUT SOME OF MY FAVORITE THINGS!

I’m doing a giveaway this week! WOOOOOOO! Its a very girlie one, so sorry guys. However you could always enter and give it to your girlfriend/wife. I’m sure I’ll be posting it all over the place, so keep an eye out for it. I’m excited to give things away! And I think I’m even more excited to shop for it.

There were so many other things I wanted to talk about! Like the Olympics and how I’m sad they’re over. The Bachelor! Of course he picked Vienna! She’s got that magical spark (big boobs)! Jay Leno is back. I’m mad at myself for watching last night but I really wanted to see Jamie Foxx. So so in love with him. Um, maybe thats it. haha. It just felt like a lot.

3 more days of work. 10 more days til a BABY. I still can’t believe they’re going to let me be someone’s mother! haha.

Lol.

Sorry.

I like having a blog. I can write whatever I want and curse as many fucking times as I fucking please! (Sorry, mom). A lot of random thoughts flow through my head. Not so profound, but still, they are MINE!

I deal with the public for 40+ hours a week and could probably write a book about people and my experiences with them. But who wants to hear the story about the woman who’s breath was so bad that I gagged for 15 minutes? And when I ended up puking, I was laughing hysterically at the same time and that made the vomit come out of my nose. It burns!

Or, for as long as I can remember and probably for the rest of my life, every time I use my debit card I think it’s going to be declined. It’s the worst feeling. I give the cashier my card, I stare at her in the eyes, I bite my nails, and I wait. Although the entire approval process takes about, oh I don’t know… 4 seconds. It feels like an hour and a half!! When I was younger, I was never very good at managing money and I was always buying things I couldn’t afford. So, naturally, “your card didn’t go through” is something I heard a lot. And then I would say, “oh that can’t be right. Try again, Nancy. Are your computers down??”

See what I did there? I went from blogging, to puking and I summed it all up with my the spending habits of my early twenties. I have the attention span of a goldfish and the writing skills of a 16 year old. I envy those of you who are great writers. I go to some blogs and I read this thrilling story that makes me laugh and cry and then when I get to the end of the entry, I realize that I just read about a washing machine. I can write about my washing machine! It just never comes out the way I want it to.

I could write about my day but being a pregnant whale is not exciting. At all. Unless I write about my leaking boobs but even then, I’m sleeping on my laptop half way through my re-read. I remember one time I wrote something totally mindless and it included getting a manicure and a pedicure that day. I got a nasty email about being shallow, high maintenance and how I could of used that money for something better. Want to know why I even GET manicures and pedicures? BECAUSE I SUCK AT PAINTING MY OWN NAILS. And because my cuticles are awful. lol.

SOMEONE HELP ME! If I had lots of ideas for entries, I’d actually update more often. Which would mean more traffic (right?) which would be motivation to keep this thing going. I think.

Enough whining. Share your ideas with me, please?

I can’t believe I am 36 weeks into my pregnancy and that I have 28 days to go. Some days I can’t even believe that I’m pregnant at all. But I am and it’s real and he’s coming in the next few weeks. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

I actually slept well last night so I am awake as hell. I need to find something to eat. My exciting day consists of waiting for FedEx to bring Chris’ Valentines Day gift, getting a mani/pedi and cleaning because people are coming over tonight. We’re going to dinner at a French restaurant I’ve been wanting to try. Weee!

I’m such an old lady!

Lady GaGa opened the show and was amazing (as usual). I kind of expected her to do Poker Face, since that was the nominated song. But I was so happy she did Speechless. It’s my most favorite song from her latest CD. LOVED Elton John. And you could tell how happy she was to be performing with him. She took off the shades! The only other person she’s done that for is Barbara Walters. lol. Her red carpet outfit was pretty while still being Gaga. The performance outfit was my favorite. Her post performance outfit was out there. I’d be pissed if I was sitting behind her. And by now, I hope its pretty obvious that Lady GaGa does not, in fact, have a penis.

Beyonce won 6 awards which was record breaking, I guess. I love Beyonce and a lot of her songs are in my Top 25 on iTunes but she was so ‘meh’ this year. The red carpet outfit was atrocious. She’s a superstar! What is this grandma dress? Where is Tina Knowles? She would have made a more exciting choice than this!! The post performance outfit was a little more acceptable and more her. Still wasn’t blown away by it. Her performance was standard a Beyonce award show performance. Stomping around, excessive hair swinging, humping the floor. “If I Were a Boy” is one of my favorites and so is “You Oughta Know”. However, Beyonce is no Alanis. She’s not as angry as Alanis. B is married to Jay Z with a combined income of over 1 zillion dollars. Alanis was dumped by Uncle Joey!

Pink was the best performance of the night, IMO. She was practically naked, spinning around, high above the crowd while SINGING! The Grammys don’t allow lip syncing! Why do you think Jamie Foxx sang his whole song in autotune? And then she was dunked and dripping and spinning and then came down and didn’t fall over. I loved it. Maybe she didn’t win any of the awards she was nominated for, but she def won in the performance area. Maybe I am also a little bit biased because I want to do her husband. Had she not married Carey Hart, I would be actively seeking him out. I liked her red carpet dress. It’s a little bit different. Her performance outfit was BRAVE. She’s got an amazing body. I’m jeal.

I usually love Taylor Swift. Despite winning 4 awards, it just wasn’t her night. She sounded….flat? Boring? I don’t know what it was but it wasn’t her best by any means. She was cute during her acceptance speeches. Her red carpet outfit was classy and age appropriate, which I liked. Album of the Year though? Should have gone to GaGa.

Britney, Britney, Britney. SIGH. Has someone checked Jason Tratwick to make sure HE doesn’t have a screw loose as well? Papa Spears is still in control. Get this girl a stylist because from the looks of things, she does’t have one. At least I hope she doesn’t. Does Rachel Zoe do charity cases? Please? Anyone? Bueller?

Rihanna looked fabulous, but she’s usually does so there is no surprise here. I actually don’t hate the blonde rooster hairdo that she’s still rocking. Fergie looked super hot on the red carpet but WTF at her metal visor she was wearing during the BEP performance. Uh, 1993 called….

The tribute to MJ was nice. I just wish I had the 3D glasses. I loved the performance and performers, except for Usher. I’m just over him. And having his children accept the award on his behalf was sweet. Prince speaks just like MJ. And Paris is absolutely gorgeous. I’m also glad that their cousins weren’t allowed near the mic.

And last but not least, can I get a WTF? GTFO of here for Justin Bieber and Ke$ha? I get the train of thought (I think?). 2 new “artists” presenting the Best New Artist award. But isn’t there some kind of height or age requirement? And Ke$ha? Were they scraping the bottom of the barrel? Don’t get me started on Miss “I have a money sign in my name”. Miss “It’s pronounced Keh-sha”. I hope you continue to wake up feeling like P Diddy. It’s 14:59, bitch.

Thoughts?

Happy February everyone!! Yay for my birthday month and my last full month of pregnancy! My baby shower was this weekend and I loved every second of it. I’ll post pictures as soon as I find some that don’t accentuate my fat, pregnant face. For now….I must drag myself out of bed and hit the Starbucks drive thru.

Oh my goodness, that feels fabulous to say!

I go back for 4 weeks and then its maternity leave! 3 months. So far. Maybe I can convince Chris that I should be on permanent leave. I’m sure it would involve a lot of delicious home cooked meals and wonderful baked goods. And clean, folded laundry. And a spotless house. And BJs. Sorry to be gross but you know its true.

Tomorrow is my baby shower. I’m excited! I wish I had an outfit! I have a Mama massage at 9 and the mall opens at 10. Hopefully I can find something quickly. That involves trying things on and I abhor trying things on. Thats what I miss about my unpregnant body. I could just buy and it would fit and look fine! That and I miss my small boobs. JFC Idk how you woman live with huge boobs. My mom had small boobs, had me and then hers decided to stay at a D. Please, lord, no.

Thats all. C is on his way home from work so I’m gonna go at least brush my teeth. Im in sweatpants and his shirt, hair a mess and makeup smeared. The least I can do is have minty breath.

Sorry for the shitty Blackberry pictures but our FURNITURE HAS ARRIVEDDDDDDDDDD!!! And the knobs just have to be put on in place of those silly red ribbons.

We went out to lunch yesterday after my Dr’s appt. We turned onto the road we live on and we were driving behind a big Ceva truck. The Ceva truck that was on his way to our house to drop everything off! Thank gahd we were tired and wanting to go take a nap rather than go shop like I um, wanted. lol.

My shower is Saturday so we’ll (hopefully) get the rest of the stuff we need and I can put everything together in the couple of days before we go away. We’re going to Lake Placid for a few days I guess. To a nice romantic hotel! And that’s all I know.

I’m excitedddddddddddddd.

I still cant get over the veins. Or the fact that we have 7 weeks to go. Woo.

I was going to venture out to the outlets in Lee, Mass. but I cant see to drag myself off the couch. Plus I probably shouldn’t buy anymore baby stuff until after my Shower next weekend. But when you can buy cute outfits like THIS!

How can you resist?? I cant shop for myself so why not? Its more satisfying to shop for him because you can buy so much for so little!

I’m off to go find some kind of motivation. Whether its to get up and get dressed, clean the house or just get the mail. haha. I should probably shower and look presentable. I’m meeting bf for dinner tonight while he’s working. FUN TIMESSSSSSSSS.

In other news, the sky is blue and water is wet.

JFC.